365, 66, 67 days and counting

As Kayla is officially a toddler,  I am reflecting on my first year as a mommy! My son David was gifted to me by marriage and although I believe that I am the worlds most awesome bonus mom; hearing Kayla say mama and reach out for me solidified me in my new role as mommy.

I have breastfed Kayla everyday since she was born. She latched on immediately and has been attached ever since. I had two lactation consultants that gave me great advice in the hospital. They told me how to hold her, how to position the pillow, They mentioned that I would start to yawn while I was nursing her and to make sure that I drink plenty of water and eat three proper meals a day. I felt confident when I got home from the hospital. I also knew that I was blessed to have my mother waiting for me at home and I was certain that she would be able to give me some tips. However what I wasn’t taking into account was that my mom hadn’t breastfed in over thirty years. She had never seen an electric breast pump before. Now I know this sounds archaic but it’s true. She told me that she would have to hand express. I looked at her like damn we have come a long way. I wanted to start pumping and putting Kayla on a bottle so that I could give myself a break. But my 64 year old mother of 3 didn’t understand that. She thought that a bottle meant formula and why would you do that if you are able to produce milk. When I told her that I was going to reach out to a lactation consultant she really didn’t understand that! She gave me the serious side eye. She said “and what is she supposed to do?” I said her job description is in her job title, she consults on lactation” At this point I have nursed Kayla for 4 weeks all day every day no bottle. Which means no one else can feed her. Not Daniel in the middle of the night or my mom in the middle of the day, nope it’s just me mommy the milk made, mommy moo moo,And what ever other milk mama name you can think of.

After having a glorious session with my consultant Jinel from Mothers Bloom I felt empowered! I pumped for 5 days straight, I stored up a nice little stash in the freezer. However, I struggled to find the time to pump. It was easier for me to just whip out my boob and feed my hungry baby. Not to mention Kayla didn’t like the bottle. I tried about 7 different ones. Even one that resembles the feel of a natural breast. My baby said imitation might be flattering but it ain’t nothing like the real thing! And I just gave in. You won Kayla no plastic will ever come between us. You can have it your way, whenever wherever! And she did! Sometimes she would nurse and put her feet up on the table (babies have absolutely no manners). If I was on the phone while she was nursing she would look at me “like girl of you don’t shut up, you know I like to eat in peace”. And even now she gets so excited when it is time to take a nap because she knows she is going to to nurse herself into dreamland.

At first breastfeeding solely felt cumbersome. However when I started to look at it from a different perspective I was thankful that we got to experience this. At Kayla’s twelfth month check up her pediatrician asked me how long did I intend to breast feed her. I said I guess until about 24 months. But I was really unsure. We have become attached to each other and soon this period in time will come to an end. And the truth is that I may miss it more that she will.